The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Rhoades)

“Twilight” Offers A Total Eclipse

Reviewed by Shirrel Rhoades

Dear Abby: I am a teenage girl, torn between two really cool guys. One is a 100-year-old vampire; the other’s a hairy werewolf. Whom should I choose?

That’s the question posed by “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse,” the latest in those popular films based on the romance novels by Stephenie Meyer.

If you’re a hormonal female between the ages of 12 and 52, you already know the story because you’ve read the books and seen the first two movies. What started out as “Romeo and Juliet with fangs” has, uh, transformed into a love triangle between three distinct species of high schoolers: the James Dean-ish outsider, the bare-chested jock, and the mopey, angst-ridden girl.

These are personified by Robert Pattinson (vampire), Taylor Lautner (werewolf), and Kristen Steward (love interest).

Ah, if teenage dating were so literal.

Edward Cullen (Pattinson) says, “Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment of forever.” Because vampires exist forever.

Jacob Black (Lautner) challenges him, “You have to consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?” Because werewolves are as loyal as lap dogs.

Bella (Stewart) demurs, “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.” Because girls are … girls.
“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” is currently playing at the Tropic Cinema.

In this latest offering we discover that there’s been a new spate of mysterious killings around Seattle. Is it the work of a deranged murderer? Vicious animals? Vampires? Werewolves? (Yes, the grunge capital of the US is a dangerous place.)

But what do these deaths have to do with Bella Swann? Can it be the revenge that a vampire named Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) seeks against Edward Cullen for killing her mate? Because in Victoria’s monstrous eye-for-an-eye world, she wants to destroy the very thing that Edward loves most, Bella.

And when bad vampires are pitted against good vampires will Bella’s werewolf pal Jacob join the battle? Why not, when he can at the same time win favor with the girl he loves and do his favorite thing: kill vampires.
Ah, teen lust. Make that, teen blood lust.

srhoades@aol.com
[from Solares Hill}